A vortex of sadness.

I’m tryna be grateful
That I got work and words on the tray
And tasty food on my plate
Creativity be my saviour
When negativity tries to wreck my day
My days…
So dull and depressing
But who is living anyways?
I glare at my phone’s screen that’s got cracks
Almost 8
All day- despair
Home seems like a cage
A Cage, that’s safe.
Life hazard, poisoned air
Can someone take me far away?
‘when will this end?’
This question is asked everyday
Has anyone figured out an answer yet?
Don’t come to me with placebos
No type of pacifier’s going to help.
I ask for health and fresh breaths
Ask for more sunsets
Ask for more 14th nights
And for happiness and light.
*Sigh, who’s not letting my prayers come to life?
why did the joy decide to hide?
I miss the place I’ve never been to
Was working hard to be there..
My dreams put on hold..
HOW LONG?! My heart screams “Help!!”

A poem that doesn’t rhyme.

In the midst of rights and wrongs
I'm consistently searching for me.
Staring at the corpse of my emotions
Paralyzed,
I'm failing to ask myself the right questions
In the late hours of night,
I lay flat on the bed
Staring at the ceiling
Pretending to be deeply lost in thoughts
I'm not!
There are 17 voices in my head
Sometimes 7000 and each screams louder than the other.

Walk with me?

We’ve come a long way.
You, me and the world as well
From naiveness to being over conscious about all and nothing
We’ve walked alot of miles
Everything has changed
Us, the season, relations
I feel things now
My stanzas are not mere words put together anymore.
Loneliness is horrible
So is company
We are weird creatures, I swear.
Life is still complicated
A bit more than yesterday.
We fight, we learn, we lose, we grow
Nobody’s willing to give up.
There’s chaos and deafening silences
Everyone’s a stranger in the herd.
I’m walking, slow, in a way that seems like a loser is walking out of the stadium
The match isn’t over yet, but the crowd is too worn out to cheer for others
What drained our energy?
Is the world actually this boring or it’s just me?
The complicacy never seem to wash away
I guess we will be trapped in it for a long time.
But we have come a long way
Perhaps a wrong one but this walk is better than being in the same spot forever
I’m willing to walk more
With you, not others and sometimes alone.
With a hope that these steps take us towards the brighter end of the tunnel
We’ve come a long way
And the journey isn’t ending any soon
But I’m tired
I want to take a moment to breathe
To laugh, look at the moon, smile!
And a bit frustrated, so let me
Cry, hate, yell, stomp my feet and crash on the road.
Hey! I’m still not thinking of the end
We’ve come a long way and I’m happy about it
But the journey isn’t a joyous ride.
I’m ready, to take more steps
So take my hand in yours and let’s go.


Zindagi..

Maine dekha hai

Hosh sambhala jabse..

Tabse sab dekha hai, samjha hai, parkha hai!

Rishton me padhti dararon ko dekha hai.
Rishton me padhi dararen, waqt kaise bhardeta hai..
Ye bhi dekha hai.

Dekha hai laparwah logon ko beparwah logon ki parwah karte..

Muskurahaton se dilon ka sukoon bante..

Aapas me ek dooje ka ghuroor bante..

Dekha hai magroor logon ko majboor bante.

Waqt ki karigari kaise sotey hue ki aankhen khol deti hai..
Dekha hai.

Fizool kharch karne waalon
Ko aaj kharchne se pehle do baar sonchte hue dekha hai.

Ladkhadaate qadmon ko sambhalte dekha hai.
Girne waalon ko uth te dekha hai..
Aagey badhte dekha hai.

Udhne waalon ke paron ko kat te dekha hai..
Nigah neechi rakhe chalne walon ko par laga..
Aasmano ki sair karte dekha hai..

Zindagi, maine dekha hai..

Tu sabka imtehaan leti hai..
Pareshaan karti hai..
Hairaan karti hai..
Tujhe sab ko hasaate, rulaate, daraate, sataate dekha hai..

Zindagi maine sab dekha hai❣️❣️

Hi.

HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS.(read the image at the end of the blog to understand better)
I remember having such days multiple times every month as a child. I hated school, I hated everything about it. It used to feel so bad and scary as if I was being sent to some haunted place and every teacher only wanted to beat the hell out of me. And I remember to this date that back then I wasn’t scared of the pain, I was scared of the humiliation, teachers yelling at me, other students laughing at me. It’s not easy being a child especially when your elders have no time to sit and listen to you..and what’s worst is having elders who would listen to you only to misunderstand and complain about you to your teachers. (Or go and talk to the teachers in a way that would create more problems for you)

So as a school kid, I always kept my problems to myself. Whatever it was, big or small, I made sure it didn’t go home (sometimes it did) but mostly I tackled it. Tackling was nothing easy, it meant days and days of living in fear, crying every morning to avoid school, or sitting in school hoping for teachers to be absent, somedays waiting for apocalypse 😂 cause obviously humiliation was more scary than the world ending.

Many problems from school days leaves deep scars on our personalities. To some, it takes a lifetime to accept those scars and some spend eternity trying to blurr the scars but fail.

Studying in an all girls school meant female teachers having the liberty to boss around. And it is always more strict than a school with co-education. Level of dominance is high, rules are more strict, students are timid and so just scare the hell out of them.
And as the girls start growing up, school starts to turn into a more competitive place(fashion and style wise). It’s crazy. All of it was.

The picture I attached triggered alot of memories which usually are buried deep in my mind.

Pic courtesy: Instagram (belongs to the rightful owner)

Kids go through bad days too.. they require the same amount of importance and care during their school days and a kid’s problem shouldn’t be ignored in any way. I think doing so would save them from alot of mental health issues in the future.
I got nothing more to say..
See you with next one 🙂

Some Good pieces of advice ❤️

I’ve made endless efforts to be on the same page with alot of folks. I thought matching perspectives was a good way of strengthening friendships and I was badly mistaken. Forcing oneself to be like the other person will not help create a bond of any sort. To make friends or to be friends with a person, one must understand herself/himself and appreciate the uniqueness of their personalities. Being confident not only in our own skins but also with our mindsets, beliefs, likes and dislikes is an essential for all. If you are not willing to come to terms with your actual personality, how do you expect people to accept it..
Be truthful to yourself. Right people will come by at the right time and THEY WILL STAY if they want to.
Be happy with yourself. You won’t feel the need of having others.
Just enjoy life with or without people!! Do whatever makes you happy..

(This is a look back at life and also a self reminder kind of post. I think somewhere, for someone(or multiple someones😂) we all have let go of ourselves

And looking back at it makes us all sad and guilty. It’s okay. Through mistakes we learn.

Thank you for reading. How have you all been lately? Crazy times, there’s so much going on all around the world.

What has kept you busy? What is your source of happiness? Let me know in the comments 🙂

See you in the next one.

Shh…Shaadi?

Hey all.. It’s good to be back after so long. Hoping that I’ll share my 2 cents more often from now.. let’s begin with today’s…

Marriage/Shaadi..

Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal of life.
A life partner shouldn’t be a need, he/she mustn’t be your only source of happiness, people expecting happiness through others end up disappointed.


We must be responsible for our own happiness and our partners can be a part of it.


Marriage shouldn’t make you dependent. Marriage should enhance your way of living not deteriorate it.

Shaadi is not limited to washing dishes, cooking, cleaning for women..and it’s not limited to earning more money, buying bigger house for men. It surely includes all of this but that’s not the purposes of shaadi.


Two people get married to LIVE with each other and their families.
Extended families should make it easier for the two of them, not make it a hell.


The concept of Shaadi is highly misunderstood in our culture.
To groom’s family it’s a means of getting new furniture, electronics, jewellery, also a maid for free… And that’s wrong.
But training the bride to be nothing but a good housemaid is EQUALLY WRONG and that’s where the issue begins..
People of the girl’s side have made a perspective that a successful marriage setting is ‘Girl being good at household chores, guy earning well, both keeping the DAMN RELATIVES happy, so that those ginti ke 16 log uder aur ginti ke 12 log ider doesn’t say anything bad about the girl or the guy’
But that’s absurd.. I will say this again.. SHAADI…THE WHOLE THING IS ABOUT TWO PEOPLE..I.E DULHA AND DULHAN.
them being happy, successful TOGETHER and the RELATIVES being A PART OF IT
they’re not supposed to be the main reason why the two of them are being married.


We’ve made fixing rishtas difficult
We’ve increased the demands for everything, starting from the guy/girl’s looks to their family background, their financial capabilities and what not.
We’ve made the ceremonies complicated, weddings can be as simple and beautiful but we make sure the food is extraordinary, the wedding hall is big and beautiful enough, the dowry material is first class and etcetera etcetera
All of this for whom?
All of this for what?
All of this for those ginti ke 28 log
Cause if a tiny bit goes wrong… “Log kya kahenge?”
Stop this nonsense
Stop pressurising girls and boys
Stop making marriages difficult
Stop entertaining dowry
Stop troubling families.. stop it!
..
Ab ye nai karna toh kya karna?
First off…
Understand,
Understand that LOG… Kehte hi rahenge
People will keep saying.. good, bad. That shouldn’t be taken seriously. I know easier said than done but we got to start somewhere?
Only then we will be able to see the actual meaning of relations, our decisions.

And in my words,
“Shaadi is not a full stop, it’s a comma which means that neither a girl’s nor the boy’s life ends after marriage, it’s a beautiful turn which leads to a better time to be lived with a life partner.”
Normalise simpler marriages.
That will solve innumerable related issues, I promise.
If you made it till here please read some more..
I in no way mean to be rude to my relatives or any other elder in general.
I respect my relatives as much as I respect my parents


What I’m trying to say is..
Understand the youth, their likes, dislikes, when you made sure they are educated, respect their educated brains. Listen to them. Know what they want and what they don’t. Be more cooperative. Be less dominant. And stop pressurising Us🙏😭
Each of us will get married at our own respective time that is destined.


I hope positive response for this message I’m trying to convey but I’m also open for any sort of arguments (discussions). Let me know your views.
Lotsa Love.❤️

Poem❤️

Here lies this house..
Beautiful, vintage aesthetic
Delicately built
In the middle of a busy city
It’s not old but little damaged
big doors and wide open windows welcomes air of various seasons
It has no neighbours
Strangers love to visit but none got to stay yet
It’s doorbell, a tune so pacifying
It’ll captivate your heart
Bright walls, ravishing architecture
Interior decorated with unique art pieces
Countless rooms, large hallway
Every inch of this place filled with a mesmerizing aroma
There’s no food being cooked, the kitchen remains unvisited
Beware of the that room upstairs
It’s dark, sometimes too bright, there are creatures flying low and high
Scary, bewildering, enchanted, but my most favourite part of this place
with love repair the damaged, there’s not alot this house demands
Leave alone the creatures of that room
For they seek no help, no company
And rest is a lovely space
You seem to be loving the warmth here and
It’s a pleasure to see you smile
With a hope to see you come again and stay
I wish you a good day!

Dance

I was dancing in the middle of a deserted road
To the owl’s cries and Wolf’s howls
14th night
Under full moon’s light
A picturesque sight
I danced and I cried
Life, why don’t u treat me right?
I screamed, I collapsed
I buried my face in my palm
And then time whispered a song
“It’ll pass, nothing lasts
It’ll pass, sun is about to rise..
Keep dancing you beautiful child
It’ll pass, this is life..
It’s dark now but there will be light
There will be dark clouds
There will be rainbows
There will be rains
And sunshine”
Dear Time, I know life
But let me cry and I’ll be fine
I’m brave but I break
It’s a human thing
So let me get up again
And dance on the deserted road
To the owl’s cries and Wolf’s howls.

Anxiety

It’s here
It stays here all the time
All day
All night
Asleep most of the time
But very loud on certain dark days
I’m scared of it
It is frightening. Very.
I’m sick of it
It’s creepy
A weird kind of evil
No form no shape
But it’s loud
Very loud on certain dark days
It sings all sort of gloomy tunes
It speaks all sort of disturbing words
I end up questioning my existence
I wonder what is making me tense
It’s intense
More intense than I can ever explain
Somedays it’s unexplainable
Most of the days, actually
But on the days when it’s loud
Vulnerable I behave
I clench my teeth
I pull my hair
I blink blink blink and keep blinking faster, quicker
To make the thoughts go away
But it stays
Brings up horrifying scenes in my brain
I become drowsy
Not conscious enough to even get up and walk away from it
What so cozy about my brain that
It’s here
It stays
All night
All day.